Thursday, June 6, 2013

In which the author gives advice

I here reproduce a letter written to Dear Prudence, a famous advice colum from, and I take the liberty of answering it myself.

Dear Prudence,

I began dating a man last summer, and it has slowly turned into something serious. He is a great person, I am head over heels for him, and he indicates he feels the same way about me. We recently said, "I love you." We have excellent chemistry in the bedroom as well, but recently he brought up that he loves anal sex and that it's a fetish of his. We have tried a couple of times, but I often shy away and feel uncomfortable. He even told me that it's a make-or-break for him in a relationship. I'm a pretty open person, but I'm afraid that I'll never be as into anal sex as he is, if at all. Should I bite the bullet and just go for it or let him know that I'll probably never enjoy it to the extent he does and let this "break" our relationship?

—Make or Break

Dear Make or Break—

Though you may be “head over heels” for him, I must express some doubt about the real nature of his feelings for you. In short, it would be much better that you refused all his future propositions. ---More importantly, I cannot help but entertain the suspicion that your suitor had chosen you, not because of your wit or lively manners, but precisely because this “fetish” as you called it, urged him to find a virginal sphincter such as your own, so that "the fetish" may be satisfied. Yet if he finds no peaceful means to do this, he may chance to use treachery and deceit to get his wretched ends. ----He may, in fact, this minute be plotting some scheme that will enable him to make attempt upon your virginal sphincter.--- Your story is comparable to that of my own novel Pamela, about the virtuous Miss Pamela Andrews and her seducer Mr.B. Recall that in the novel Mr.B would also have made a wonderful husband for Pamela but that he first wanted to rape her. Pamela resisted his advances, and through her shining example, she did transform him into a gentleman worthy of the name.---Like Mr.B, your own partner first prefers to rape you, and then wed you. I think that all rational creatures would agree with my assessment of the case.

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